The NCAA must make Transfer Portal worthy of its awesome name

No mere spreadsheet deserves such a title.

This is a transfer portal.

This is a transfer portal.

Thor: The Dark World

This?

That is a database.

The NCAA’s October 2018 explanation of the new system calls it as such, not daring to give it a name that sounds as fun as TRANSFER PORTAL.

The Division I Council adopted a proposal this week that creates a new “notification-of-transfer” model. This new system allows a student to inform his or her current school of a desire to transfer, then requires that school to enter the student’s name into a national transfer database within two business days. Once the student-athlete’s name is in the database, other coaches are free to contact that individual.

Business business business protocols business very important serious serious. None of this has anything to do with anything as entertaining as transfer portals. For reference, this is a transfer portal:

And this is a transfer portal:

And this might have facts about transfer portals, but I’m not going to watch it right now:

And this involves a transfer portal:

But this is not a transfer portal, because it’s just a list of names of student-athletes you can contact without the NCAA telling you to stop, if you’re a college (or even if you aren’t, because the NCAA can’t really stop anyone from doing anything):

His name is Tathan, yes. One thing at a time.

NCAA, in the name of academics and being great, you must either:

1. Change the name to Transfer Database,
2. Create a Transfer Portal video game (but first, a college football video game that players can profit from, preferably one with transfer portals),
3. Or create an actual Transfer Portal, which would look something like this, but probably better, because I don’t think anyone used this one:

I’m told this also has something to do with transfer portals, as well as school:

Well, that’s the end of the post.